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The Daily Musings of a Disgruntled Ass [entries|friends|calendar]
jay low

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oh, alright [16 Feb 2014|08:09pm]
It's "nice" to see how bitter I was by my previous choices of words. Glad I'm a fucking charmer

I don't really relate to any of it anymore, for the record.

take notes
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Goals [03 Apr 2013|09:12pm]
I need to stop being so concerned with everybody else.

My ego can't catch a break. And it's really silly on my part because I already know society is not zen... so why do I get so


So embittered by how much more deserving I feel, I feel like I've felt like I've been cheated this whole time, and while my 'situation' has steadily gotten better as time passes, feelings of anxiousness and impatience remain.

Of course a silly restaurant job is gonna put me through emotional distress. Laziness is just an idle excuse. It's whatever.

I have to stop putting the world accountable for its shit. I have to stop being overwhelmed by the energy people exude.

My existence can only be quelled if I hold myself accountable. Even if it's a shitty job for the next few months, I need to own it.
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KUSHLYFE [22 Feb 2013|11:08pm]
if i dont make it to the kushlyfe in 2013 i will throw a temper tantrum forever
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who's keeping track? [10 Jan 2013|09:43pm]
I'm in Madison right now, in a Best Western. I'm trapped inside by rain and my own wits. So far I am not impressed but when you think about it, anything near a hospital's going to be shit. (and that's where I happen to be) I mean, who cares if I'm not impressed yet, I haven't gotten in yet or anything, and from what I've seen of Madison this shit is a lot cooler than Gainesville can ever hope to be.

An old mutual friend lives here apparently. Except he's not here right now, he's in Tennessee for some BUSINESS. I tried creeping on him on facebook, but he's not on there anymore. I envy him. The only reason why I have a facebook is so my pseudo-GNV friends can invite me to cool shows or parties, or if they don't personally invite me I can just crash their shit. I don't even like Gainesville anymore, so why do I even hold onto this relationship with it? Anyway, I'm gonna delete my facebook once I move. And me moving is a fact of life. Cigarettes, Facebook and Gainesville have been the banes of my existence for the past several years. I'm coming clean! 2013 is my year. Apparently it's everyone's. That's cool and everything. Just make sure you don't go overboard with that cigarette addiction, I know I did for a little and it feels good, but only in my lungs.
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tomorrow's ashes. [28 Dec 2012|03:04pm]
Wrap up another year. No doubt it's been an interesting year. I'm looking forward to my future, but pretty apprehensive of the eminent future of everything. That makes sense, right? If not then go away. You're wasting time. (in general)

I guess I shouldn't worry about it either way. Money is not a moral game, I am smart and resourceful, and I gotta gtfo!.
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taking the "sweet" out of nut medley [21 Dec 2012|06:37pm]
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honey roasted nut medley [21 Nov 2012|02:23pm]
I went out last night. Usually I do not have fun at the top but last night i did. I think it was because I wasn't there with the usual boring fucks. There are a lot of new kids in this town too, some of them are probably better than the unfortunate losers I've wasted my life with for the past 1 1/2 years, in fact after conversations last night I can definitely say that they are. 

Had an intense txt fight with my stupid ass roommate earlier. Don't get me wrong, my other roommate is a stupid ass too.  I can't wait til my lease gets signed over. I can't wait to get the fuck out. I think I hate Gainesville because my immediate social circle is so fucking tragic. I can't wait to start on a clean slate with this town, after having gone through the experience of being older and wiser. Never moving in with an 18 year old again. Never living with a self-reassuring and self-entitled spoiled as fuck gay boy again.

After I move out of this pisshouse, I will officially consider myself an adult. 

i'm only considering my immediate future right now. i can taste it.

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goddamn. [04 Nov 2012|04:24pm]
i've applied to a good deal of schools already. UF seems to like me... funny. i guess i'm not surprised though :)

the more i think about the schools that i've applied for, the less hope i have. seattle would be a cool place to go, but asking for 44k a year merely in tuition is really cramping my style.

i hope my options open up. i mean, they haven't opened up at all yet, really. another 4 years in gainesville sounds absolutely horrible, but it wouldn't be the end of the world would it? i would just have to become a hermit so my soul doesn't turn completely into stone

the option is a distinct possibility and i'm pretty terrified
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LoR [23 Jul 2012|12:16pm]
nerve racking.
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3thoughtsb4bed [07 Jul 2011|03:31am]
1. i hate caring about things, i like not caring about things. they work together very well

2. why doesn't john like any of the band names that i have come up with do u nt hav TASTE SON? what kinda gay ass name is 'hey girl!' u R breakin' my bAllzzz

jk john ily............. :)

3. my life is always a disaster during exam crunch time. i guess the anxiety of an upcoming exam kind of cripples me to inability. what i mainly mean is that my dishes stack higher and my apartment gets messier and shit and sometimes i end up laying around...eyes wide open, mouth shut
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sober cos around me they be actin lyk dey drunk [05 Jun 2011|02:02am]
i went to the beach today. all day pretty much, but i fucking enjoyed myself.
nina's in town!

highlights: listening to no doubt on the beach, takin a dump in the ocean (whatever, guys), reminiscing, hot tub!, gas station pussy poppin' on a handstand, singin, okkervil river night time ridin' -- so much more though, the whole trip was pretty great

sometimes i really fucking hate my life but hanging out with good people really puts everything into perspective. nina is seriously one of my favorite people EVER! she's so good. i can only hope i can rub off of her
guys, not that many people are that good

i guess that's all i have to say about that.
ok ima peace and go to bed. i've gotta study tomorrow. and practice with johnny :D we found a drummer maybe? i'm kinda suspicious of her... we'll see how she turns out
i'm glad john and i are playing music sans brandon, too. i really need that in my life (playing music that is)
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[02 Jun 2011|03:24pm]
gay, straight, bi


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[07 Apr 2011|03:27am]
dude, sometimes i feel dreadful. like earlier today, that physics test got me so down
i'm really just a fucking nerd god
i miss my friends dude
i mean i hang out with the regulars
a lot of them i don't see as much... or, ever
i miss my boys :(
and some of my girls too :(
i'm secretly full of myself, but you can totally tell
why do you, jenny?
it's weird to be called jenny but i'm kinda into it hehehehe

so raven's in town and i've been hanging out with her. i missed that girl really! it made me realize that i really missed having a good friend that would do whatever weird shit there was to do and not be so annoying socially fucking anxious about it
she's DTH (down to hang)
she wants to move back, and she wants me to drive her down :)it would be my fucking pleasure, i'll see if nina wants to too KANSAS CITY PART DEUX

i miss my down girls, all of em

i can get mean, but people can also get awkward

:) starting to look forward to life without all these damn tests all up in my grill

i should still go to sleep
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pigs [27 Feb 2011|02:47am]
remember when i really liked that cee-lo green song? well... it's weird how i can completely not relate to myself at some point of time in the past

i'm hooked on you though, babe
i think
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boy oh boy [28 Jan 2011|04:01am]
i am a little shit dude
i am a trick ass hoe... literally
i feel kinda evil... as perceived by an outside eye
but really i'm just sketchy as fuck

i really should have set my ass a curfew for tonight. my life is gonna suck tomorrow... and the next few days due to poor scheduling on my part.

i learn from doing
will you (no, not you) do me?
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I start out with good intentions but mess it up like all the time [18 Jan 2011|02:21am]
so tonight (HAPPY MLK DAY!) i went to the uc. which apparently i elaborated a little bit on in my last entry... anyway, not to sound totally GAY or anything but i fell in love with robyn! so hard. i mean i thought she was just alright but DAmN. also... this song.... that goes...... pussy pussy pussy marijuana? lollll that song is totally brandon and i's - i'll have to show it to him

hmmm what else..
skewlll is whatever. i know there are beautiful, sexy people at UF- why can't i meet 'em while i'm on campus?

people need to learn to let other people talk.

i thought i had more to say

oh, well should i mention that my mental health is probably at a peak right now? as in i'm pretty happy with things? nothing special has really happened... i've just achieved a little piece of enlightenment.

oh. brandon and i are starting a twee band! andrea is really into the idea too, but brandon doubts her. and... dinah wants to drum! she doesn't have a drum kit nor does she even know how to drum, but wouldn't she just be the most ADORABLE drummer? i've gotten consensus already, so haters y'all can kill yourselves. i mean this is all talk but this is starting to sound pretty good.

what did i do this weekend
friday i went to midtown parties with zack and joe... shannon's party, and this party with a couple of people i attended middle school/high school with. it was pretty fun, haha. a little weird at times
omg i am so into how all of shannon's friends know who i am and LOVE me
saturday i went to all you can eat sushi with a couple of shannon's friends :) shannon wasn't there hahahaaaaaa

i really love all my friends and they know who they are :)

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greetings from sw 7th [06 Jan 2011|11:26pm]
i hear some drunk sorority girls screaming outside my window

you know what? i like gainesville. it's not a bad place to be for the time being... gainesville really isn't as limiting as most people fear for it to be.... i was actually kind of dreading coming back here after miami, to be honest. i've been having fun here though... a pleasant surprise to say the least.

oh god though my fucking neighbor though, i want to blast my music but she's crampin' my steez my styyyyle....

school is alright... i'm really tired of these HUGE classes.... i'm tired of feeling like a fucking freshman...
i'm really into my job though :) i have 15 hours a week, and i'm thinking i'll probably end up with a few more hours. it's so chill, not only do i like interacting with students and teachin' em math, but i also can lay out and do the SHIT out of my homework since i'll have nothing better to do (god knows i want to listen to breton jerk off conversationally about sharpinsky's [sp?] carpet for 3 hours....) i set up my first private tutoring date too! the lady wanted to pay me $25-$30/hr for weekly sessions. niiiice :) niiiice :) :)))))

shannon called me today to meet me on campus - she had a surprise for me. i was expecting something lame like bath and body works lotion, but she really did surprise me - with an asian named john kim! after eating with them john and i drove around and smoked weed. i was late for class, but it was fun :) i think this is where the random ass hanging out with high school friends stops for a few months, but yeah, all of it was fun while it lasted. we're all doing different things and trying our best to live down those horrible days. or at least the best of us are haha

ohhh yeah - how was miami? it was pretty good! ashley is so amazing dude, robert is so lucky to have her (and vice versa) - i'm not gonna lie i am pretty jealous of their relationship. nothing is funnier than a pissed off cuban lady in heels that is ready to FIGHT. robert has a really solid collection of friends, i've realized. i wanna be juuuust him when i grow up :)

my short-term goal is to GO TO THE UC ON MONDAY. i need to redeem my $10 publix gift card for bein' a clean lil girl. i also need to dance up a storm and own that place like i used to

felicia's here! bye!
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[14 Dec 2010|11:58pm]
i just had a revelation about school

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i just want to write some thoughts down [14 Dec 2010|05:58pm]
DONE WITH SCHOOL! so far i've gotten my lab grades back: physics A-, chem A. i was fortunate enough to have good TAs. :) <3 to chris and miiiiila especially for somehow managing to be ADORABLE at 7:30 in the fucking morning.

i just finished my chemistry test. i bombed my last test so it's pretty iffy whether or not i'll pass chem. i studied pretty hard for the final though, so i'm hoping for the best. i really hope i pass. if not oh well there's not much i can do. i mean settling for a C is bad enough, but on the plus side, if i have to retake chm2046 i'll ace that shit, or i at least have no excuse not to because i DO understand this shit. i really DON'T want to take it again as i AM a fucking JUNIOR but... okay. there's nothing else to really be said.

:) i've seriously been spending this entire month thus far studying. school being my #1 priority. i've had to miss out on a shit ton of fun for the sake of school. (art basel mainly) so, i'm ready to fuckin' live it up. i might make a bucket list for the rest of the year.

i've set it up in my head that i'm going to orlando on saturday.... to hang out with punx, see how punx in the 407 keep it real. zack and i are also supposed to go to the keys/miami but that's pretty tentative, we're either going next week or after xmas i'm guessing... i'm excited! for everything. i've been all smiles since i got out of my exam.

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[08 Nov 2010|02:22am]
So i'm really digging this song 'gamble' by propagandhi. I'm in love with it... we met the other day then decided to elope over the weekend and now I can't get enough of it. It's a cover of a song by a band called lowest of the low, i listened to the original version of it earlier and was NOT havin' it. i mean, i'm not gonna lie. this song sounds like creed kind of.*

i'm glad i have a neighbor BFF. i've secretly wanted one for years... and sure, he can get awkward, but he's very intelligent, insightful, handsome, and also happens to be a very good cook (that shares his food!). i'm sure his future will be bright

* i do not like creed
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